Dancing with Dad
Updated: Nov 14, 2021
I admit that in the past, I have been a mild version of a Christmas Grinch. The decorating, the Christmas cards, so much present buying - it's not that I didn't like it, but at times they can begin to feel like busy obligations on top of our already never ending list of things to do, rather than genuine opportunities to participate in joy. This sounds depressing even writing it!
But now it's just days before Thanksgiving and I am feeling a true inner joy, something I notice is surprising. I have an afternoon to myself and I can hardly wait to clean the house and decorate for Christmas. I put on Christmas music and sing my heart out in the living room. I can almost hear my dad's voice singing along....
"Have yourself a merry little Christmas.....let your heart be light..... from now on our troubles will be out of sight...." and I begin to feel his presence. I have this inner sense, an intuition, that he wants to have joy together and dance. So we do.
I pause for a moment and contemplate if I am developing a psychological problem. I mean, I'm dancing in the living room because I think my dad wants me too! I fully recognize that it all seems so crazy, for a lack of a better word. Yet, I notice the inner changes. These feelings aren't coming from a place of grief. Actually quite the opposite. I'm noticing a joy and a love coming from a new place. It feels a bit like coming home when you've been gone for a long time. On this November 22, 2020, I walked through the doorway of my heart and remembered what it felt like to be home.
That night my family and I put up the Christmas tree. Each year since 2011, I have bought myself an ornament to represent the year ending. A few months before my dad passed, I picked out my 2020 ornament, a dove with the word surrender written on the back.
I chose it because when someone you love is dying, the only choice is to surrender, at least if you want to have any sort of peace in your heart. As I hang it on the tree, I think about how appropriate this is, not only for the past, but for the present. There's a choice here, again. I can deny the experiences I've had since the passing of my dad, or I can surrender to them. Which path is more beautiful and full of hope and possibility?
I choose Love, always.
Nature's Way is beautiful. Read on to be inspired by the journey. The way is through the heart.
