Small Signs Everywhere
Updated: Nov 14, 2021
In the week after my dad died, I noticed many small things that I wanted to believe were something, but, was afraid to make something out of nothing.
While walking in a forested park days after Dad's death, I sat on a bench on top of a hill to relax. I was not grieving very hard at all since my Dad's passing. I was very much at peace with it all. Maybe having had notice of a terminal illness was more helpful to me than I ever thought it would be. I had done all I needed to do to make peace and express my love. Yet, like anyone would, I still just had a small sadness that needed to be processed. I no longer had a Dad. I closed my eyes while sitting on the bench and listened to "My Cup Runneth Over with Love" by Ed Ames, one of the eight or so songs Dad gave me to put on a playlist to be reminded of him. It was almost as if I could hear his voice singing along with the artist. Everyone loved my dad's singing voice. As it finished, I silently thought of our mutually agreed upon sign and said to myself, "I could really use a deer about now Dad," opening my eyes. I look to the left to begin to head back on the trail, and in the middle of my direct walking path is a deer, just staring at me. It was as if I had asked, and the deer was delivered.
As I drive home from the park, I think to myself that I wish Dad had given me more songs for this playlist. Instantly in my mind is the title, "Dances with Wolves." I didn't spend any effort thinking or deciding about a song; it just arose in my awareness instantaneously. How interesting, I thought. Dad would love that song of course, it was one of his favorite movies, and I decide to add it to the playlist as we planned to use the playlist for his memorial service. As I finish that task, a song comes on the radio in such timely fashion. It's"Wolves," by U2.
The evening of my dad's memorial service, lying in bed tired from the day, I pick up the eulogy I wrote for Dad to read it one more time. Just as I begin, the largest brown moth I have ever seen lands directly on the page. I get up and walk it all of the way out of the house, not thinking anything of it. Weeks later I thought back to this moment and recognized it as a sign. Logic would tell us this is an easy coincidence, and I agree. What I have come to learn about signs vs coincidences is that your heart knows. Sometimes my heart knows it's truly just a coincidence, and others, I have no doubt something as simple as a brown moth landing on me in just the right moment is a sign. Our hearts always know. The most beautiful result of this entire journey has been the slow alignment of my heart with Love. I use an uppercase L with purpose.
In the week following my dad's death, I frequently heard his voice arise in my mind. Whether while having dinner with my mom, or during the difficult conversation of telling my son his grandpa died and all that it means, or simply driving past a pharmacy Dad frequently visited, he had something to say. Sometimes this was serious and other times, humorous. My dad had a great sense of humor and loved to joke. While driving to my Mom's one evening, I passed the pharmacy that I visited with my dad once after a radiation treatment, and remembered to myself how kind and funny he was with the pharmacist. He was in his last months of life, knew it, and still had the desire to make people laugh. As I was having that memory, I heard Dad say, "well tell her I said hi," as he gave his sarcastic combination of a snort and a laugh. And laugh to myself I did because it was so funny!
In one of my favorite small moments, I was cleaning my house and a quarter fell out of my pocket. I picked it up to put it in my purse, and noticed that it was a State of Kentucky quarter. On it was My Old Kentucky Home (a famous residence and song). This was one of the songs my dad asked me to put on the playlist I had requested of him. I'm starting to notice a pattern. Dad is still adding to the playlist. He heard me thinking that I wish there were more songs, and he's finding ways to provide me with more.
Nature's Way is beautiful. Read on and be inspired by the journey. The way is through the heart.
